i've been sick again. surprise, surprise. i'm pretty sure i'm averaging about 1 or 2 colds or some type of sickness per month. guess i need to load up on some vitamins or something.
other than that, though, things are going pretty well. this should be a relaxing week since it's spring break and i have nothing to do except work. i think things have turned around in reference to my last post. i was actually able to swim some laps last thursday, so i think i'm going to make that a regular thing until i can do more. it's actually a pretty intense workout so maybe i can get back into shape like i was attempting to before i busted my knee. and as far as the situation that was stressing me out: i think things are looking up there as well. i've been pretty vague about that specific topic but as you can probably guess it has to do with a boy. i visited him over the weekend and had a really good time. i think i probably stressed him out more than he would have preferred because i'm a girl, and well, i guess that's to be expected. i've been trying to be more assertive and less passive with people and being around him in our situation is definitely a test of that. i'm starting to see that i have very passive aggressive tendencies and i HATE that. i hate when other people do it so i'm going to try and work on that quality in myself. anyway, we talked a lot and i think we established that we are dating. this is helpful to me because it's a concept i can actually wrap my mind around. friends with feelings for each other is not. it gives me no direction in what is okay to feel and think. i'm the type of person that needs some type of definition. i think he's trying really hard to be open with me and i appreciate that so much. it's very helpful. and being able to talk about stuff and get it out of the way is nice because it leaves more room for just having fun, which we are good at. i don't like drama and seriousness all the time.
aaaanyway...i really enjoy going to arkansas. i love the city of fayetteville, or what i've seen of it at least. it's just a nice getaway and it's not too far. we didn't do much this weekend, and i think kyle feels like he didn't provide enough entertainment, but i'm happy with whatever we do every time i go. we went to a couple thrift stores and i got 4 skirts and a dress for about $18. i also bought both of us portable hammocks (early bday present for him!). we didn't use them yet, but i'm really excited to try them out. the weather was really nice this weekend so we threw the disc around at the park one of the days. i'm happy to say i haven't completely lost the ability to throw. woot! other than that, we ate, lounged, watched the office and flight of the conchords, and cuddled with stanley a lot. stanley is a cat that he is taking care of. he has feline leukemia and now FiP, which is another disease that i don't know a lot about but is fatal. he's not doing so well right now which makes me terribly sad. he's a very sweet cat and i know kyle cares a lot about him. i'm glad he's at least got a comfy home and good company.
uhh...what else...
i have camping fever-hurry up and get here for good, warm weather!
i made red beans and rice for dinner and it was deliiiicious. check out mine and danno's blog grubgrubchow for the recipe.
i bought a new tea yesterday and i'm pretty certain it's my favorite. its a honey vanilla chamomile from celestial seasonings. i add a little soymilk creamer and mmmm.... yums. i think i'll go have a cup now..... after i eat some thin mint ice cream..... ... ... eh! i couldn't resist. plus, i bought my dogs some new bones so i thought we should all enjoy a treat together. yep, that's my justification. blame it on the dogs.
um, that's probably enough rambling for today.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
deep breath
lots on my mind today. this might be a little lengthy.
i'm currently watching a documentary called manufactured landscapes. it focuses on photographer edward burtynsky's photographic work on the industrial landscape. i don't know much about it but i love photography and i love documentaries so, win.
lately i've had a lot of anxiety. i know it's because i have not found a suitable way to deal with it, but i also think i allow myself to become frustrated and stressed easily because of a situation with a certain someone. this person makes me very happy but the situation makes me very uncertain. i feel like there is a lot playing against me and not enough reassurance that my patience and effort is worthwhile. it's all so undefined, which is okay, but leaves me questioning exactly what role i play and what is ok to feel, think, do. then there is the other line of thinking that if it is so confusing and complicated, maybe it isn't worth it... it isn't meant to work and maybe won't. i hope this isn't the case but it's a legitimate concern considering the circumstances.
today i was just feeling down about some stuff so i had one of the massage therapists at work, suellen, to do some energy work on me. she's amazing and i am actually feeling a little more at ease. i am excited to start studying energy myself. i'm going to take a reike class with my boss in a couple weeks. i feel really compelled to practice it so hopefully that means i can utilize and help people/myself.
springbreak is right around the corner. i have one more class and then the next week off. originally my surgery was supposed to be today but got postponed until i can figure out my financial situation (this is a whole entire headache in itself...). it could be a few months before i am able to have surgery. i'm especially frustrated by this because it potentially means 6-9 more months before i am able to be fully active. it also may put a damper on my summer and playing outside. ugh. on a more positive note, though, i'm ok right now and i'm headed to arkansas this weekend. the weather is supposed to be sunny and almost 60 so i'm a happy girl.
that's really all for now i suppose. i'm off work tomorrow so i'm using the day to get some stuff done. it's my get-shit-done day. perhaps i'll get ambitious and post up a little ditty with new music/art/fun stuffs. maybe.
i'm currently watching a documentary called manufactured landscapes. it focuses on photographer edward burtynsky's photographic work on the industrial landscape. i don't know much about it but i love photography and i love documentaries so, win.
lately i've had a lot of anxiety. i know it's because i have not found a suitable way to deal with it, but i also think i allow myself to become frustrated and stressed easily because of a situation with a certain someone. this person makes me very happy but the situation makes me very uncertain. i feel like there is a lot playing against me and not enough reassurance that my patience and effort is worthwhile. it's all so undefined, which is okay, but leaves me questioning exactly what role i play and what is ok to feel, think, do. then there is the other line of thinking that if it is so confusing and complicated, maybe it isn't worth it... it isn't meant to work and maybe won't. i hope this isn't the case but it's a legitimate concern considering the circumstances.
today i was just feeling down about some stuff so i had one of the massage therapists at work, suellen, to do some energy work on me. she's amazing and i am actually feeling a little more at ease. i am excited to start studying energy myself. i'm going to take a reike class with my boss in a couple weeks. i feel really compelled to practice it so hopefully that means i can utilize and help people/myself.
springbreak is right around the corner. i have one more class and then the next week off. originally my surgery was supposed to be today but got postponed until i can figure out my financial situation (this is a whole entire headache in itself...). it could be a few months before i am able to have surgery. i'm especially frustrated by this because it potentially means 6-9 more months before i am able to be fully active. it also may put a damper on my summer and playing outside. ugh. on a more positive note, though, i'm ok right now and i'm headed to arkansas this weekend. the weather is supposed to be sunny and almost 60 so i'm a happy girl.
that's really all for now i suppose. i'm off work tomorrow so i'm using the day to get some stuff done. it's my get-shit-done day. perhaps i'll get ambitious and post up a little ditty with new music/art/fun stuffs. maybe.
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