These are images from some of my favorite photograpers. I posted them on here as kind of an inspirational file for my personal use and forgot about them. I figured I should give credit!

feeling depressed lately. never thought i'd say that.... it's been looming since i hurt my knee and is just amplified lately because the distraction i've had is no longer a distraction. im a delightful bundle of emotions as of late. it's wonderful.

i only title these because i like the way it looks on the blog...i'm running out of good titles.

i've been sick again. surprise, surprise. i'm pretty sure i'm averaging about 1 or 2 colds or some type of sickness per month. guess i need to load up on some vitamins or something.

other than that, though, things are going pretty well. this should be a relaxing week since it's spring break and i have nothing to do except work. i think things have turned around in reference to my last post. i was actually able to swim some laps last thursday, so i think i'm going to make that a regular thing until i can do more. it's actually a pretty intense workout so maybe i can get back into shape like i was attempting to before i busted my knee. and as far as the situation that was stressing me out: i think things are looking up there as well. i've been pretty vague about that specific topic but as you can probably guess it has to do with a boy. i visited him over the weekend and had a really good time. i think i probably stressed him out more than he would have preferred because i'm a girl, and well, i guess that's to be expected. i've been trying to be more assertive and less passive with people and being around him in our situation is definitely a test of that. i'm starting to see that i have very passive aggressive tendencies and i HATE that. i hate when other people do it so i'm going to try and work on that quality in myself. anyway, we talked a lot and i think we established that we are dating. this is helpful to me because it's a concept i can actually wrap my mind around. friends with feelings for each other is not. it gives me no direction in what is okay to feel and think. i'm the type of person that needs some type of definition. i think he's trying really hard to be open with me and i appreciate that so much. it's very helpful. and being able to talk about stuff and get it out of the way is nice because it leaves more room for just having fun, which we are good at. i don't like drama and seriousness all the time.

aaaanyway...i really enjoy going to arkansas. i love the city of fayetteville, or what i've seen of it at least. it's just a nice getaway and it's not too far. we didn't do much this weekend, and i think kyle feels like he didn't provide enough entertainment, but i'm happy with whatever we do every time i go. we went to a couple thrift stores and i got 4 skirts and a dress for about $18. i also bought both of us portable hammocks (early bday present for him!). we didn't use them yet, but i'm really excited to try them out. the weather was really nice this weekend so we threw the disc around at the park one of the days. i'm happy to say i haven't completely lost the ability to throw. woot! other than that, we ate, lounged, watched the office and flight of the conchords, and cuddled with stanley a lot. stanley is a cat that he is taking care of. he has feline leukemia and now FiP, which is another disease that i don't know a lot about but is fatal. he's not doing so well right now which makes me terribly sad. he's a very sweet cat and i know kyle cares a lot about him. i'm glad he's at least got a comfy home and good company.

uhh...what else...
i have camping fever-hurry up and get here for good, warm weather!
i made red beans and rice for dinner and it was deliiiicious. check out mine and danno's blog grubgrubchow for the recipe.
i bought a new tea yesterday and i'm pretty certain it's my favorite. its a honey vanilla chamomile from celestial seasonings. i add a little soymilk creamer and mmmm.... yums. i think i'll go have a cup now..... after i eat some thin mint ice cream..... ... ... eh! i couldn't resist. plus, i bought my dogs some new bones so i thought we should all enjoy a treat together. yep, that's my justification. blame it on the dogs.

um, that's probably enough rambling for today.

deep breath

lots on my mind today. this might be a little lengthy.

i'm currently watching a documentary called manufactured landscapes. it focuses on photographer edward burtynsky's photographic work on the industrial landscape. i don't know much about it but i love photography and i love documentaries so, win.

lately i've had a lot of anxiety. i know it's because i have not found a suitable way to deal with it, but i also think i allow myself to become frustrated and stressed easily because of a situation with a certain someone. this person makes me very happy but the situation makes me very uncertain. i feel like there is a lot playing against me and not enough reassurance that my patience and effort is worthwhile. it's all so undefined, which is okay, but leaves me questioning exactly what role i play and what is ok to feel, think, do. then there is the other line of thinking that if it is so confusing and complicated, maybe it isn't worth it... it isn't meant to work and maybe won't. i hope this isn't the case but it's a legitimate concern considering the circumstances.

today i was just feeling down about some stuff so i had one of the massage therapists at work, suellen, to do some energy work on me. she's amazing and i am actually feeling a little more at ease. i am excited to start studying energy myself. i'm going to take a reike class with my boss in a couple weeks. i feel really compelled to practice it so hopefully that means i can utilize and help people/myself.

springbreak is right around the corner. i have one more class and then the next week off. originally my surgery was supposed to be today but got postponed until i can figure out my financial situation (this is a whole entire headache in itself...). it could be a few months before i am able to have surgery. i'm especially frustrated by this because it potentially means 6-9 more months before i am able to be fully active. it also may put a damper on my summer and playing outside. ugh. on a more positive note, though, i'm ok right now and i'm headed to arkansas this weekend. the weather is supposed to be sunny and almost 60 so i'm a happy girl.

that's really all for now i suppose. i'm off work tomorrow so i'm using the day to get some stuff done. it's my get-shit-done day. perhaps i'll get ambitious and post up a little ditty with new music/art/fun stuffs. maybe.

rough day

the first half of today majorly sucked but it got a little better as the day went on. i'm still pretty uneasy/uncertain about some stuff, but time will tell. i had a wonderful weekend, though, so that counts for something.. i just wish i hadn't ruined it all by allowing myself to get worked up about stupid stuff.

all i want to do is go for a run to center myself. i really have to find something to use as an outlet while i'm recovering from my surgery. i'm just so stressed about everything and its really got me down. i don't feel like myself at all right now.

maybe things will be better tomorrow.

acl

i tore my ACL playing ultimate 2 weeks ago, and i've really been bummed about not being able to run/work out. my knee feels ok...in fact, i've been walking closer to normal everyday. i'm just suffering from a major endorphin shortage which is in turn affecting my mood. that, in combination with the lack of sunshine we've been having, makes for a lethargic, frustrated jess. i've been up and down and i haven't been taking very good care of myself. when i exercise it helps with stress, anxiety, energy, mood, sleep, and my nutrition. i'm not trying to get sympathy for my injury (in fact, i'm a little tired of people asking how my knee is). i'm just expressing a little frustration...

but as usual, i am always looking for a way around the situation; a solution to the problem if you will. i believe i may have come up with a way to get some cardio in without the impact on my knee....

HULA HOOPING!

i tell you what- i used to do the imaginary hula hoop on wii fit, and its a workout. i'm gonna go buy one today. hopefully this will get me some sort of endorphin fix while i'm waiting out the coming surgery and physical therapy!

stuff.

been in the blogging mood lately. i'm going to start using this thing as more of an archive of stuff (art, writings, music etc.) i come across and enjoy.

i've just discovered (and become obsessed with) spoken word poetry. some my personal favorites:

andrea gibson "photograph"

rives "gorgeous"

sarah kays "hands"

shihan "in response"

listen to some of those. they are really quite wonderful.
i actually wrote and recorded a poem last night. this is something you will probably not find on here for a while, if ever, but maybe someday i'll get brave and perform it.

also, thanks to my good friend, jonny, some magical photographers:

joachim knill


these are surreal installations photographed with 20x30 polaroid film. i love the use of light, super saturated colors, and unusual arrangement of natural items to create such bizarre scenarios. if i were technically able, i'd love to do something along these lines for my senior show.

nick brandt


just look at them. you'll understand. simply amazing.


this is how i've been spending my time lately.... listening to poetry, looking at photography, and the occasional facebook stalking. i've been extremely lazy because of my knee, although i am trying to be as active as it will allow me to.

i picked up a couple books today to inspire and provoke some ideas for my printmaking work. i'm going to do some mixed media/collage type photogravures (photo-etchings). i have the image of a little boy in my head for the photographic part of the work so i'm reading some stories that include a young boy as one of the main characters. i'll do some hand etching and digital collaging in addition to the photograph. hopefully "lord of the flies" by william golding and/or "something wicked this way come" by ray bradbury will inspire some interesting pieces.

i suppose that is all for now.

.jess

what i'm up to..

it's always few and far between posts for me, but hopefully with summer that will change. 

i am enjoying a few days off work that were supposed to be used to pull off a garage sale but, um, well...that isn't going to happen. we just have way too much on our plates right now and that got put on the back burner. don't worry-it WILL happen, just not this weekend. 

instead, we are trying to get a handle on this mess of a house. i say we, as in, me and dan. cayla is in the process of moving out (sad face), and dan and carly are moving in. the house is out of control, but we ARE making progress. dan and i got the garage cleaned out yesterday, and i've never seen it sparkle so much before! we have to move the furniture out there and we will soon have the 'man'sion/party room well on it's way!

here are my goals today: clean room/bathroom, do all laundry, jog a couple miles, bake cookies, and when dan gets off-unpack and clean/reorganize kitchen, move furniture into garage, reorganize and clean living room. ambitious, huh? yeah... i'll let you know how that goes...

in addition to all of that, i need to: bathe my dogs, mow, put chemicals (ew) in my pool, repot the garden plants we bought today, repot some other plants, and clean my car inside and out, just to name a few things. siiiigh...isn't summer supposed to be relaxing? 

i bought a fresh sweet basil plant today, and i can't wait to make mozzarella, tomato, and basil. yummmy. we also got a grape tomato, roma tomato, and orange and green pepper plant in addition to the cucumbers, chives, and cilantro we've already planted. i can't wait for them to grow so we can eat them! i think dan and i might go to farmers market tomorrow so hopefully they've got some good stuff, although it's still early in the season. 

i am loving the weather right now. we went to the nature center yesterday and walked a couple of miles. it was really nice to get out and enjoy the fresh air. i'm going to try to get out again tonite for a jog with rylee. 

last thought-i'm going to bake some cookies this evening. i want to make double chocolate mint cookies but i'm having trouble finding any vegan recipes for it. i think i could just take a regular vegan chocolate chip cookie recipe and add some cocoa and use some mint chocolates instead of chocolate chips, but maybe i'll keep looking. i'll post what i figure out! :)

all the loooove.

a;lkfjmc

it's such a lovely day out. i could be getting so much done. what am i doing...that's right, nothing.

just a few things-

3 1/2 weeks until finals. terrifying and wonderful at the same time.

this little pretty is what i want right now. buy it for me.

and my current artist obsession is james jean. check him out-pretty fantastic.

my new favorite show is u.s. of tara. watch it. i devoured 12 episodes in a couple of days, therefore, they need to make another season. now.

there's my random updates fer yah. boring. yeyyy.

i decided to skip class and start spring break early today. i went to my first class because i had critique, but we got out two hours early so i decided to just come home. my plan for the day is to take a nap (it's been months since i've been able to nap!), get a massage, go to the gym, relax some more, and grab a drink at mudlounge tonight. 

it feels great to not have to worry about school for a bit. things are progressing with both of my photo projects so i feel a lot better about that. bfa reviews got pushed back 2 weeks as well so i don't have to stress so much about having enough work to show. 

when i began this blog, i had much more on my mind but it has all escaped me now... i'll come back to it later when i remember what i wanted to say!

friends

i find it funny how some people can completely eliminate a person out of their life and clearly not be affected by it... 

i read in a magazine today that a person needs to have 10 close people in their life to feel content and happy. the longer you've known the people the better as well. i don't know that i have 10 that i would say i spend time with regularly, but i've got a lot more than one. i think i'll work on building up a few more good friendships because i find having good friends important and crucial to any person's well being....  

just a little frustrated by some things today.

on a brighter note, i got a lot done today. i started shooting for my color class project. i got a couple rolls of mannequins done at the flea market so i'm excited to see how they come out. i also got about 6 working prints done for medium which is a huge relief. i need 8-12 by next wednesday and i've got about 6 or 7 more i want to print in the next week and that should be a breeze considering we've got 2 class periods between now and then. i also got an A on my AOA essay test, and an A on my annotated bibliography in contemporary. this semester is going well so far. 

i'm a little anxious about my upcoming BFA review simply because i don't have a lot of work done for this semester, but i think i'll be ok. i think i'm nervous because i don't have any more bars lined up for medium. hopefully i have a few more let me come in. 

i'm considering training for a 5k for the end of April. i did 3.25 miles on the treadmill at the gym today, but i know that running trails is a lot harder than running a treadmill so we'll see where i'm at in a few weeks. 

off to bed so i can get up early and head to KC to go to the Gregory Crewdson lecture at the Nelson with a bunch of the photo kids. 

miss maeberry

new addition to my family: miss maeberry (mae for short), a sweet little rescued boston terrier that i adopted last weekend. she's taking a while to adjust, but she's progressing. she's obviously the one on the left with the big smile on her face. rylee is the horse that thinks she belongs on laps. and then there's my lovely roommate!

my parents and brother came down to meet mae and see rylee yesterday (oh and visit me, their daughter, too). we had a barbeque and played with the dogs. dogs being rylee, mae, and their two-bristol and hurley. ya i had four dogs here last nite. the nite before there were five, though. three of my friends brought their dogs over so needless to say, mae has met the whole extended family now.

its gonna be a busy week. thursday i'm going to the nelson on thursday to see gregory crewdson with a lot of people from the photo department, which should be fun. wednesday i am getting up at 6am to go shoot more for my bar project at dennis' place before they open. after that i'm hitting up the flea market to get some mannequin stuff done for my other project. this weekend is julie's birthday celebration, and sunday i need to write a 5 page paper, study for an exam, and get to work in the darkroom for my 2 critiques next week. i have to have 5-8 prints in color (i've got 4 so far) and 8-12 prints in medium (i have 0 so far...). fuuuuun!

it's been really nice here lately and i wish it would stay that way. things are so much better when it's warm out! i'm sure we'll wake up to rain in the morning which could be okay if it wasn't cold rain...

once again the stress has returned. it's coming up on midterm and i have almost nothing to show for this semester photography-wise. i am doing my bfa review in april and need to have a substantial amount of work to show for that, but we haven't even started our projects in color. i just need to get my butt in gear i guess. 

i am glad this week is over, though. got an 'a' on my contemporary exam and i think i did well on my AOA essay test today. i also got my annotated bib turned in for contemporary and just need to figure out my paper now. agh...it's just neverending sometimes. 

i get so frustrated that i don't ever have time to work on stuff for myself--projects that i want to do. i like the work i do in school but sometimes i just want to spend a few hours working on something thats not going to be graded. or even catch up on some reading. or watch a good movie. i guess that's what summers are for..

gonna go drink some tea and finish a comic.

oscars

i have a 5 reference annotated bibliography due in contemporary art history on tuesday and at this point, i don't really even have a clear idea of what i am writing about/researching. i checked out a ton of books on the beat era and was planning on writing about art of this time, but i can't specify the direction or focus on my research. needless to say...i'll be up for a while tonite and tomorrow. ugh. any suggestions welcome...(distractions also welcome.....)

titled this blog "oscars" only because i'm watching them and writing this instead of doing the damn bib. i don't really have anything to say about them except i am glad slumdog is winning a lot, and i'm really happy that heath ledger won best supporting actor. 

i guess i'll go do some freaking research now.

i finally caved and let people convince me to check out some comics/graphic novels. luke bought me sandman, and i think i'm going to get y: the last man as well... i haven't started any of them yet, but i'm secretly excited. shhh. ;-)

nothing too exciting today. just did a few things on campus, had lunch at kaldi's, had a good workout at the gym, and ran around target, barnes and noble, and walmart (bought nothing) this evening with dan and julie. we drove to rendezvous and they were so busy there were no tables, so we just went back to dan's and watched supersize me. that was a pretty entertaining/disgusting/amusing etc. film. ironically i ate carrots and peanut butter, a clementine, and fresh apple/carrot juice while watching it. 

my house is looking slightly bare and in disarray right now. amanda moved out taking some of our decorations and things with her, so i guess i'll either have to make some things to decorate or take a little trip to the flea market. either sound fun to me. :-)

and lastly, today is my four-year anniversary with luke. he makes me happy and i can't wait to see him wednesday. we're gonna get massages (of course) and then i think we'll go somewhere fun for dinner and see coraline.

he will also finally be bringing rylee home to me. her surgery went well but my mom has been watching her for the past week. it's kind of tough to go without your dog for a while when she's constantly there. don't judge me.  

(i'm kind of bored if you couldn't tell..)

i am procrastinating big time...

i have a test in my AOA art history class tomorrow and i have not studied. at all. i've attempted to about 12 times now, but have gotten distracted by something every time. imagine that.

example: book shopping today at book castle-bought 6 new (used) books consisting of palahniuk, vonnegut, and a couple others. 

i should probably finish "on the road" (kerouac) and "the historian" (kostova) before i start any of them, but i just love opening a new book. 

alright...i should study and drink coffee. here's a parting gift. it's an oceanic wood carving. you just learned something new. you're welcome.

audios!

what's this?

ahh, yes, an update..

i am just sitting here, at home, on my couch, on this lovely, gray, saturday afternoon. i don't know when the last time this sort of thing occurred, but i am certainly enjoying it... i think.. i was supposed to work, but jess needed more hours, so i let her take mine. i should probably work considering the fact that i've been on vacation the last week, but hey, what's one more day when your paycheck is gonna be small anyway? and you can never have too many days off work..unless of course the bills aren't getting paid...then it may be too many...

anyway..

like i mentioned, i just got back from vacation. luke and i went to breckenridge so he could do a little snowboarding. it was a great time. we ate, relaxed, snowboarded, hot tubbed, walked around town, watched tv, and went to bed at 7 everyday...hahaha. no, really though, we did get in bed at like 7 or 8 everyday that we were there. it was lovely. i say i boarded, but really i just fell down the mountain. i've only been on a snowboard once previously and i've never skied so i was definitely an amateur. we went up the lift one time, it took 2 and a half hours for me to get to the bottom, and by the time we did, i was done and exhausted. i did ok after a while i think, but i definitely felt like i had whiplash all over my body from all the falls i took. i'm glad to be home, but i do miss luke. spending that much time with him just reminds me how much i miss him when we're apart.

other than that my break was pretty unproductive but nice. i went home for a couple of days to see my family over christmas. this year's christmas was pretty low key. i never really got in the spirit, so i felt kinda bummed at how anti-climatic the season was. maybe that's just what happens as you get older.. 

oh ya, last semester ended pretty well too. i got an "A" in my photography class as well as my printmaking class, and a "B" in my art history and ceramics classes. i was pretty well expecting the grades i got, although i thought i would get a lower grade in my photo and print classes. i just felt like i could've given more to those two classes, but i was really happy i got the grades that i did. especially in my photo class...i think it's probably pretty difficult to get A's in upper level classes, so i'm really excited i was able to get one in my first upper level photo class. 

my schedule this coming semester isn't too bad. i have two art history classes and two photo classes. i only have one class at 1pm monday, wednesday, and friday, and i don't start class until 11 on tuesday and thursday. i think i'll have a lot more time for myself this semester. i am doing my BFA review to be accepted into the photo program so that will take up some of my time, but i'm thinking it won't be too terribly stressful. 

i guess that's about all... maybe i'll update before 2 months pass again :-)

fun week

it's definitely been a blasty blast of a week. it was good to just have fun and not worry about much. the end of the semester is coming up really fast and i still have a ton to do, but i think i'm feeling a little refreshed after taking a breather. i just need to hit the studio hard the next few weeks to make sure i'm on track.

still to do:

finish 9x12 etching

6x9 etching

9x12 linocut

80 more photos shot and developed

contact sheets for those 80

prints galore

final prints, retouched, mounted

handbuilt piece in ceramics

glaze 8 jars and above piece

ceramics paper

art history paper

art history exams

phew. i can do it. soon enough i'll be looking at one more semester down which is great. next semester i will not stretch myself so thin. i am working about 30 hours a week and going to school for 3 studio classes and 1 lecture totaling about 21 hours of actual in class time. my only day off is sunday. it is really difficult to keep going like that. next semester i will only have 2 studios and won't have class until 1 on MWF and 11 on TTh. I'm planning on working about 25 hours and definately having more than just sunday off. i can't wait!

off to bed to wake up for another glorious monday.

playing catch-up.

i skipped my ceramics class and art history class today to play catch-up and work on photos for my critique tomorrow. slightly counter-productive huh? i went to joann's and walmart to get stuff for the still life set up and came back with the intention of taking 10 photos, but when i went to load my film, i realized i only had 4 pieces. it ended up working out ok because i didn't have enough time to take more than 4 anyway. 

i made it to my printmaking class a little late after shooting those four and worked on my plate a while. i'm being a little "ambitious" with this piece, but i think we decided that's not a bad thing. :-) it will be a lot of work, but i'm up to the challenge. i'm going to work on it some this weekend and try and get ahead on it.

i spent a few hours in the dark room finishing up my prints for the critique tomorrow. i ended up printing the 4 negatives i shot this afternoon, and they all looked good enough. one of the set-ups was a little more contemporary which ended up being my favorite. the prints are a little dark, but i didn't want to spend all night in the dark room, so they'll do for the critique. i'm looking forward to hearing what everyone has to say about them.

time to make some tea and read for a while. i'll work on posting some of my work later this week.

new week, new stuff

we started glazing some of my pots today in ceramics. i am excited to see how they all come out because glazes are so unpredictable.

i also started my 9x12 etching. all i've really done is trace and transfer the drawing onto the plate. i'll start etching on wednesday. i am really excited to work on this piece. 

i am feeling slightly lost at this point in the semester. i don't feel like i've got anything quality to show for one. i also feel all mixed up on where my progress needs to be in a couple of my classes. i need to shoot about 100 more pieces of film in my photo class in the next month and a half, which is a kind daunting idea. it gives me hope at the same time, though, because 100 pieces of film means a 100 more opportunities to make photos i am happy with. and i need to stop skipping my art history class so that i'm not so lost in there! agh..