i only title these because i like the way it looks on the blog...i'm running out of good titles.

i've been sick again. surprise, surprise. i'm pretty sure i'm averaging about 1 or 2 colds or some type of sickness per month. guess i need to load up on some vitamins or something.

other than that, though, things are going pretty well. this should be a relaxing week since it's spring break and i have nothing to do except work. i think things have turned around in reference to my last post. i was actually able to swim some laps last thursday, so i think i'm going to make that a regular thing until i can do more. it's actually a pretty intense workout so maybe i can get back into shape like i was attempting to before i busted my knee. and as far as the situation that was stressing me out: i think things are looking up there as well. i've been pretty vague about that specific topic but as you can probably guess it has to do with a boy. i visited him over the weekend and had a really good time. i think i probably stressed him out more than he would have preferred because i'm a girl, and well, i guess that's to be expected. i've been trying to be more assertive and less passive with people and being around him in our situation is definitely a test of that. i'm starting to see that i have very passive aggressive tendencies and i HATE that. i hate when other people do it so i'm going to try and work on that quality in myself. anyway, we talked a lot and i think we established that we are dating. this is helpful to me because it's a concept i can actually wrap my mind around. friends with feelings for each other is not. it gives me no direction in what is okay to feel and think. i'm the type of person that needs some type of definition. i think he's trying really hard to be open with me and i appreciate that so much. it's very helpful. and being able to talk about stuff and get it out of the way is nice because it leaves more room for just having fun, which we are good at. i don't like drama and seriousness all the time.

aaaanyway...i really enjoy going to arkansas. i love the city of fayetteville, or what i've seen of it at least. it's just a nice getaway and it's not too far. we didn't do much this weekend, and i think kyle feels like he didn't provide enough entertainment, but i'm happy with whatever we do every time i go. we went to a couple thrift stores and i got 4 skirts and a dress for about $18. i also bought both of us portable hammocks (early bday present for him!). we didn't use them yet, but i'm really excited to try them out. the weather was really nice this weekend so we threw the disc around at the park one of the days. i'm happy to say i haven't completely lost the ability to throw. woot! other than that, we ate, lounged, watched the office and flight of the conchords, and cuddled with stanley a lot. stanley is a cat that he is taking care of. he has feline leukemia and now FiP, which is another disease that i don't know a lot about but is fatal. he's not doing so well right now which makes me terribly sad. he's a very sweet cat and i know kyle cares a lot about him. i'm glad he's at least got a comfy home and good company.

uhh...what else...
i have camping fever-hurry up and get here for good, warm weather!
i made red beans and rice for dinner and it was deliiiicious. check out mine and danno's blog grubgrubchow for the recipe.
i bought a new tea yesterday and i'm pretty certain it's my favorite. its a honey vanilla chamomile from celestial seasonings. i add a little soymilk creamer and mmmm.... yums. i think i'll go have a cup now..... after i eat some thin mint ice cream..... ... ... eh! i couldn't resist. plus, i bought my dogs some new bones so i thought we should all enjoy a treat together. yep, that's my justification. blame it on the dogs.

um, that's probably enough rambling for today.

deep breath

lots on my mind today. this might be a little lengthy.

i'm currently watching a documentary called manufactured landscapes. it focuses on photographer edward burtynsky's photographic work on the industrial landscape. i don't know much about it but i love photography and i love documentaries so, win.

lately i've had a lot of anxiety. i know it's because i have not found a suitable way to deal with it, but i also think i allow myself to become frustrated and stressed easily because of a situation with a certain someone. this person makes me very happy but the situation makes me very uncertain. i feel like there is a lot playing against me and not enough reassurance that my patience and effort is worthwhile. it's all so undefined, which is okay, but leaves me questioning exactly what role i play and what is ok to feel, think, do. then there is the other line of thinking that if it is so confusing and complicated, maybe it isn't worth it... it isn't meant to work and maybe won't. i hope this isn't the case but it's a legitimate concern considering the circumstances.

today i was just feeling down about some stuff so i had one of the massage therapists at work, suellen, to do some energy work on me. she's amazing and i am actually feeling a little more at ease. i am excited to start studying energy myself. i'm going to take a reike class with my boss in a couple weeks. i feel really compelled to practice it so hopefully that means i can utilize and help people/myself.

springbreak is right around the corner. i have one more class and then the next week off. originally my surgery was supposed to be today but got postponed until i can figure out my financial situation (this is a whole entire headache in itself...). it could be a few months before i am able to have surgery. i'm especially frustrated by this because it potentially means 6-9 more months before i am able to be fully active. it also may put a damper on my summer and playing outside. ugh. on a more positive note, though, i'm ok right now and i'm headed to arkansas this weekend. the weather is supposed to be sunny and almost 60 so i'm a happy girl.

that's really all for now i suppose. i'm off work tomorrow so i'm using the day to get some stuff done. it's my get-shit-done day. perhaps i'll get ambitious and post up a little ditty with new music/art/fun stuffs. maybe.

rough day

the first half of today majorly sucked but it got a little better as the day went on. i'm still pretty uneasy/uncertain about some stuff, but time will tell. i had a wonderful weekend, though, so that counts for something.. i just wish i hadn't ruined it all by allowing myself to get worked up about stupid stuff.

all i want to do is go for a run to center myself. i really have to find something to use as an outlet while i'm recovering from my surgery. i'm just so stressed about everything and its really got me down. i don't feel like myself at all right now.

maybe things will be better tomorrow.

acl

i tore my ACL playing ultimate 2 weeks ago, and i've really been bummed about not being able to run/work out. my knee feels ok...in fact, i've been walking closer to normal everyday. i'm just suffering from a major endorphin shortage which is in turn affecting my mood. that, in combination with the lack of sunshine we've been having, makes for a lethargic, frustrated jess. i've been up and down and i haven't been taking very good care of myself. when i exercise it helps with stress, anxiety, energy, mood, sleep, and my nutrition. i'm not trying to get sympathy for my injury (in fact, i'm a little tired of people asking how my knee is). i'm just expressing a little frustration...

but as usual, i am always looking for a way around the situation; a solution to the problem if you will. i believe i may have come up with a way to get some cardio in without the impact on my knee....

HULA HOOPING!

i tell you what- i used to do the imaginary hula hoop on wii fit, and its a workout. i'm gonna go buy one today. hopefully this will get me some sort of endorphin fix while i'm waiting out the coming surgery and physical therapy!

stuff.

been in the blogging mood lately. i'm going to start using this thing as more of an archive of stuff (art, writings, music etc.) i come across and enjoy.

i've just discovered (and become obsessed with) spoken word poetry. some my personal favorites:

andrea gibson "photograph"

rives "gorgeous"

sarah kays "hands"

shihan "in response"

listen to some of those. they are really quite wonderful.
i actually wrote and recorded a poem last night. this is something you will probably not find on here for a while, if ever, but maybe someday i'll get brave and perform it.

also, thanks to my good friend, jonny, some magical photographers:

joachim knill


these are surreal installations photographed with 20x30 polaroid film. i love the use of light, super saturated colors, and unusual arrangement of natural items to create such bizarre scenarios. if i were technically able, i'd love to do something along these lines for my senior show.

nick brandt


just look at them. you'll understand. simply amazing.


this is how i've been spending my time lately.... listening to poetry, looking at photography, and the occasional facebook stalking. i've been extremely lazy because of my knee, although i am trying to be as active as it will allow me to.

i picked up a couple books today to inspire and provoke some ideas for my printmaking work. i'm going to do some mixed media/collage type photogravures (photo-etchings). i have the image of a little boy in my head for the photographic part of the work so i'm reading some stories that include a young boy as one of the main characters. i'll do some hand etching and digital collaging in addition to the photograph. hopefully "lord of the flies" by william golding and/or "something wicked this way come" by ray bradbury will inspire some interesting pieces.

i suppose that is all for now.

.jess

what i'm up to..

it's always few and far between posts for me, but hopefully with summer that will change. 

i am enjoying a few days off work that were supposed to be used to pull off a garage sale but, um, well...that isn't going to happen. we just have way too much on our plates right now and that got put on the back burner. don't worry-it WILL happen, just not this weekend. 

instead, we are trying to get a handle on this mess of a house. i say we, as in, me and dan. cayla is in the process of moving out (sad face), and dan and carly are moving in. the house is out of control, but we ARE making progress. dan and i got the garage cleaned out yesterday, and i've never seen it sparkle so much before! we have to move the furniture out there and we will soon have the 'man'sion/party room well on it's way!

here are my goals today: clean room/bathroom, do all laundry, jog a couple miles, bake cookies, and when dan gets off-unpack and clean/reorganize kitchen, move furniture into garage, reorganize and clean living room. ambitious, huh? yeah... i'll let you know how that goes...

in addition to all of that, i need to: bathe my dogs, mow, put chemicals (ew) in my pool, repot the garden plants we bought today, repot some other plants, and clean my car inside and out, just to name a few things. siiiigh...isn't summer supposed to be relaxing? 

i bought a fresh sweet basil plant today, and i can't wait to make mozzarella, tomato, and basil. yummmy. we also got a grape tomato, roma tomato, and orange and green pepper plant in addition to the cucumbers, chives, and cilantro we've already planted. i can't wait for them to grow so we can eat them! i think dan and i might go to farmers market tomorrow so hopefully they've got some good stuff, although it's still early in the season. 

i am loving the weather right now. we went to the nature center yesterday and walked a couple of miles. it was really nice to get out and enjoy the fresh air. i'm going to try to get out again tonite for a jog with rylee. 

last thought-i'm going to bake some cookies this evening. i want to make double chocolate mint cookies but i'm having trouble finding any vegan recipes for it. i think i could just take a regular vegan chocolate chip cookie recipe and add some cocoa and use some mint chocolates instead of chocolate chips, but maybe i'll keep looking. i'll post what i figure out! :)

all the loooove.

a;lkfjmc

it's such a lovely day out. i could be getting so much done. what am i doing...that's right, nothing.

just a few things-

3 1/2 weeks until finals. terrifying and wonderful at the same time.

this little pretty is what i want right now. buy it for me.

and my current artist obsession is james jean. check him out-pretty fantastic.

my new favorite show is u.s. of tara. watch it. i devoured 12 episodes in a couple of days, therefore, they need to make another season. now.

there's my random updates fer yah. boring. yeyyy.